thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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