Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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