Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
