I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
