there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
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