then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
