She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
