Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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