I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
