when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
