But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
