She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
