he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
sex in a hospital.. check
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
