In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
