You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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