i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
