Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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