Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
