look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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