I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
