so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
