Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
