I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
