I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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