apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
do nipples grow back?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize