I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!