Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.