He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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