i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
I love you.
Bad choice
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
