I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
