You made me cry and you don't even care
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
