I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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