I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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