No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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