The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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