We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
