its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
