my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
