I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
