Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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