It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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