i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
