You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
