i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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