so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
