Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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