I CAN MOONWALK!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to calm my uterus...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
