on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
