The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
