Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
