you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
