U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
