my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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