peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
