Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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