How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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