my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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