wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
