Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
