dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
