I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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