im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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