if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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