The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
