your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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