I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
