You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
