Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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