I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
